Monday, February 7, 2011

an open letter to san diego's climate

Dear San Diego's Climate,


I know last week shouldn't have come as a surprise. You've always far exceeded expectations in your role as meteorology's most aloof rebel, too cool to care that all the other regional climates in America hate you. While hip and nonconformist, your views -- i.e. reluctance to embrace fundamental weather concepts like precipitation, the occasional sub-65 degree temperature, and the fact that the Earth revolves around the sun and is therefore subject to seasons -- your views need an intervention.

Because last week was embarassing.

San Diego's Climate, remember that one time last week when most of the United States was incapacitated by the most apocalyptic winter storm since Dinosaurs B.C.? No? That's right, you were too busy hanging ten at Windansea to watch the news. Maybe, then, while zipping around in your Prius you heard something on the radio about those hundreds of stranded motorists in Chicago who had to abandon their cars on Lakeshore Drive? What's that? You only ride your bike now? You energy-hoarding granola you.

Last week was not just embarrassing. It was lonely.

San Diego's Climate, there are plenty of scenarios I imagine are lonelier than living in Southern California last week, like P.O.W. camp, the Aboriginal Walkabout, solo flights to Mars, this.

But when your Texas friends are sending you rapid fire photos of the three-foot deep sheet of ice enveloping their driveway and Chicago friends tell you via Skype (while seated in front of a fireplace, what are those?) that they're on their third consecutive day of canceled work and CNN is all "the most catastrophic megastorm the Northern Hemisphere has ever seen!!!!!!!" and meanwhile, MEANWHILE, you're sitting around in flip flops worried that if you leave your dog in the car while you get the mail that she'll overheat, and the only reason you know it's February is because your mom reminds you that your birthday's coming up and you're bubbling over in anticipation of the "cold front" the weather guy says is on its way, because yes ladies and gents, it could get down to 60...

That's isolation.

wish you were here!

(Too) Warmly,