Monday, October 11, 2010

less popular queries appearing in my google search history toolbar

"Ferris Bueller" + "Kristy Swanson"
"fetal alcohol syndrome"  
"foil lodged in throat"
"four letter words that end in 'X'"
"French Antarctic"
"French Lick, Indiana"
"funky cold medina"
"Fun Time Pizza"
"Gary Sinise" + "army commercial"
"gather round you friends of mine"
"get Texas accent back"
"Glenda the townie" + "Oxford, OH"
"goat milk"
"green skin tone"
"Joyce DeWitt"

Friday, October 1, 2010


If you think you don't like spinach, there is a 97 percent chance that you are wrong. Spinach is delicious. If the last time you ate spinach was more than 15 years ago or if at any point during your formative years you were threatened with severe punishment unless you finished all of your green vegetable, it is almost certain that pent up resentment is clouding your feelings toward spinach. Your palate has most likely evolved since you were a child. If you are over age 25 you probably watched Double Dare, attended a New Kids on the Block concert, drank Capri-Sun and got maniacally excited at the prospect of playing inside a cardboard box. Would you say your interests have changed
since then? Spinach is underrated.

Abe Vigoda
Abe Vigoda has looked 95 for at least 30 years. There is no plausible scientific explanation for this phenomena and it raises the possibility that he will live forever. Sometimes the news reports that he has died, but they are wrong. Abe Vigoda was in The Godfather and his eyebrows have their own ZIP code. Abe Vigoda is underrated.

Car horns
If you are having a bad day or someone has challenged your authority, your car horn can show the world you are not to be effed with. The boldest car horn statements are best achieved on residential streets or medium density roads with names ending in "Avenue" or "Boulevard." Execution of the car horn need not be provoked by an offensive traffic maneuver; what's important is that you communicate to surrounding cars how in control of your life you are. Try this next time you feel slighted and I think you too will agree that car horns are underrated.

Unicorns are horses that can fly, and besides that what else matters? Unicorns are the only mythological creatures that made it next to the neon puppies and dolphins on Lisa Frank's folders, but don't let the business about fairies and rainbows and sparkly dust fool you. The unicorn is no lightweight and could easily win in a fight against a bear due to its horn and aforementioned ability to fly. Unicorns, therefore, are underrated.

Jem is a rock star who can switch into a normal person whenever she wants by getting hologrammed. When not touring or lounging in the hot tub on the roof of her limo, Jem runs an orphanage for girls. Jem is underrated.

Not watching football
This weekend when your spouse, friends and loved ones head to a bar at 9:00 A.M. to eat chicken wings and watch grownups collide with each other until the sun goes down, sit at home alone and watch ABC Family. Conformity is overrated and for that reason, not watching football is underrated.